When I first found out that my uncle molested me, it was some what of a relief. All these years I've been trying to numb the pain and the truth is finally revealed. For the last twenty years, I've had a sneaking suspicion that has grown over time. While in therapy, some images flashed in my mind.
They were incredibly violent and disturbing. Every week the images and back-flashes increased and felt stronger. It was time to confront the person whom I felt was responsible for the harm.
While it is true I endured many years of physical and mental abuse from my brother, I felt strongly that we had done something sexually inappropriate at least once. After much discussion with my therapist, I decided to call my brother to at least discuss the violence.
I've tried to numb the pain since I was very young. I suspect that is when the molesting began. I remember getting in trouble by my step-mother about eating too many Oreo's. I quickly learned that food was a great comfort for when I was feeling sad or when any feelings emerged.
I feel like I want to call all my old friends from school and tell them why I was so messed up. I already feel like I was a burden to them during those teen years and wouldn't want to impose more.
I'm sure they're tired of me and don't want to listen to me go on and on about my problems as I always did. Would they be happy to hear from me? Should I reach out to one of them and see if they want to talk?
I feel like what my Mom allowed is unforgivable. She may claim that she did not know about what was happening, but she let me go with him alone. She should have known better to let a young girl go with the same man that molested her as a child. What was she thinking? I would never let that happen! We all protect our children that best we can and often don't know what is occurring outside the household. I'll give her that. But to let her own daughter go with a sick man is just inexcusable.
Did she think that he was cured? Did she not remember what had happened to her as a child and just didn't think anything of it? Maybe that is a possibility.
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